Who's Your Mommy!

This is my facebook profile picture right now. This is my friend Christin and I. I love this girl, her and I have been friends since college and for quite some time she has been my college bud, my travel partner and concert companion. We have been EVERYWHERE together. So naturally, everywhere we go everyone asks if we are twins/sisters/cousins etc. We usually go with it because its more fun than explaining that no, we are just friends that look alike. Honestly, we do kind of look alike, same coloring, she's 6'1'' I'm 5'10'', be both have blonde hair, apple cheeks and blue eyes...you know very Arian nation if you will. A few weeks ago I got a friendship request from someone I don't know staying:

"A mother-daughter shot, I assume. Though, you seem to be carbon copies. Lol. Hi, I might be moving to Utah and just getting a head start on making friends. Cheers, Dany."

So, if Dany doesn't know me....and he doesn't know Christin....which one of us does he think is the mom of the mother-daughter shot? Please don't be me....

Massage Parlor?

Well, I'm back. I'm so lame. I have had so many funny things that I didn't document since the candle ordeal and now it's been so long that I don't think they are funny anymore. Lame.

Anyways, in other happier news, Lisa got the postcard for this weekends 2 for 1 at Utah College of Massage Therapy, so naturally we signed up. I know you are thinking, Kate, you work full time and your are single, don't you just pay to go and get real massages? Nope, I'm too cheap. So off we went at 8 am to go stand in line with the other trashy/cheap people of SLC at UCMT. While we waited we were talking about if you would rather have a male or female and Lisa decided males because they are stronger. Luckily, fish got her wish and Lisa ended up with a male.... he was a tiny Hispanic man that couldn't have weighed more than 100 lbs sopping wet. But don't worry, he assured her he could do a good job because he "has 2 months of experience under his belt." Perfect, no need to worry then. I ended up with Erica who looked like Sharon Osborn with the hair of Kate Goslin. Erica did a nice job besides the fact that she was really stingy with the lotion so at points I was worried my skin was going to come off the bone, and she kept doing this weird move on my legs where it felt like she was trying to scrape water off my calf and feet, like a quick sweeping motion. It was weird, I didn't like it. But for $12.50 for an hour massage what can you really expect?

I got done first and as I was walking to the lobby feeling really good about my $12.50 experience when this random guy (he graduated from the program a few years ago and now does laundry for UCMT....not sure if I am putting a lot of stock into this program) asked if me and my friend wanted to go again. Apparently they needed more people....so it turned into a 4 for 1 situation. Naturally I signed Lisa and I up for a round 2. This time I ended up with a great girl (who was liberal with the lotion) but my massage was extremely hard to enjoy due to the man next to me. If you have never been to UCMT this might be hard to understand, but you aren't in rooms. You are pretty much in a giant room with curtains dividing. AKA, no talking. He was asking the girl, where she was from, how long she had been with the program, what do you want to do after etc.....and not whispering. Also, it was extremely distracting because he made lots of noises, noises I would only expect to hear at a place called "Happy Ending Massage Parlor." Honestly, there couldn't have been more moaning, heavy breathing, and on several occasions he said, oh yeah, it hurts so good. It was gross. Then to top it off, he said, "Sorry about my belly noises, I had Greek for breakfast." At that point I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my massage therapist and she had to stop massaging because we were laughing too hard.

All in all a quality experience.....and FYI the 2 for 1 goes again this weekend. Think about it.

I'm not myself

I really pride myself, I'm not a klutzy person. I don't trip on stuff, I don't break stuff, I don't run into things. Well, I didn't used to. I did the dumbest thing last night. Lisa and I had just gotten home from spinning and we were about to make dinner when I noticed the limes that I had forgotten that I had bought. In my excitement I reached over and grabbed the bag....which was underneath the candle warmer. As you can imagine the candle was which was completely melted went everywhere....and I mean everywhere.... I tried to catch it, but just wound up making it worse. It was all over my body, the floor, cupboard and door. Awesome.

































Luckily this was the second time this has happened so we were able to get right down to business. And since we had just gotten home from spinning we were in the best mood so we just scraped the wax off with pancake turners while singing an EXCELLENT rendition of "Shoop" By Salt and Peppa. "Here I go, here I go, here I go again....girls what's my weakness? Men! Ok then chillin, chillin, mindin my business....."

I think it's time to find a new spot for the candle warmer....

PSA

Last night when I was driving home from the movies I saw a disturbing license plate cover. On the back of the Nissan Sentra it read, "Who needs a man when I have cats?"

Please don't let me turn into a crazy cat lady....please!

It's still in....

After several discussions the verdict is in....apparently blogging is still in. Anyways, I have a couple stories to share:

A couple weeks ago I was able to head back up to Logan for a wedding of my cute little friend Enz. True to "Mormon Wedding Code", she over invited so there wasn't enough chairs to sit in. So, my friends Stacie, Erin and I went ahead and shared the 2 chairs left. Naturally, we were sitting really close and I had my arms around them to keep us from falling on the floor. After the wedding, a stranger (seriously never met this man before) comes up to me and says, "The way you were holding on to those girls in there I could really tell that you really really want to get married. Don't worry.....it's going to happen for you someday." Um....thanks. There's nothing like getting pitty looks and pep talks from complete strangers to lift my poor, sad, depressing, pathetic single spirit. I don't tell you this story to get sympathy, mostly to remind myself when I am older not to do this to us single folks. But the silver lining....this man DID have a single son at the wedding. He pointed him out to me, sadly I had to run and "find my purse" and "I got lost" and had to use "a different exit". I'm sure he and I would have been really happy together. Damn.

In other news, I made my annual trip to Raging Water's this past weekend. It was everything I could have wanted out of my Saturday afternoon in West Valley. A couple highlights from the trip:

*Our cute special needs friend Marcos came along with us, priceless! We did accidentally have him go last on the water slide....which we had to coax him down for about 5 minutes. Sadly, it was Marco's first and only trip down the slides. Sorry we ruined it for ya bud.

*Ashley and I got in a fight with a group of about 20 teenage Polynesian boys in the wave pool. We talked a good talk, but let's just say we couldn't walk the walk. They won this round, but only because in the middle of the wave pool they came up from behind us and tipped the tube which resulted in me nearly drowning and me kicking Ashley in the jaw. We made a hasty exit.

*My debit card was stolen and used. Seriously....am I not one with the universe? I'm the only one that got stolen from....shocking. But, it was nice to fill out my 3rd police report of the year. I swear I am totally going for the Gold Medal, watch out Michael Phelps.

*Don't worry, I was ablt to escape without a mamogram or losing my bottoms. All in all....perfect.

And lastly....this week for my ward we did a little service project where we shuttled refugee's to their new charter school. What an experience, I seriously fell in love with these kids. I love refugee's. Honestly, they don't know me, and they just hand me 3 kids under 10 and just tell me to bring them back. We had quite the time. I rolled down all the windows, rolled down the sunroof and off we went with the music blasting into the sunset. They spoke very little English, but with rap music it's more about the beat...right? I taught them some American Dance moves and all they kept doing is laughing and telling me I was crazy. We took them and showed them where their classes were, oddly the teachers kept thinking since I brought them that I was the interpreter....sorry lady I speak ZERO Nepalese. But, we did the best we could with drawings, pointing, shaking heads and lots of smiles and thumbs up. Don't worry, I took them home at the end of the night....even though I kind of wanted to keep them....

Bionic Booty

So last night I got home from Bear Lake to find the "Buns of Steel" circa 1980's VHS sitting in my room.....um Lisa....what's this. She explained that she had borrowed it from her sister in hopes of getting a better butt. If you can't beat em....join em. So if you needed me last night around 10:30 at night, sorry I was busy. Busy as Lisa and I were turning our Buns to Steel. It's a little crammed with the 2 of us in my room so we had to take turns moving from the bed to the floor. It was a sight to be seen. Laugh as you must right now, but when I have a Bionic Booty next year....who's gonna be the one laughing?

In case you have never seen the video.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ou6_HKVZ_Y&feature=related#watch-main-area (and yes, please imagine those people to be Lisa and I)

July....it came and went

Is blogging still in? I have no idea, I feel a little out of touch with the whole things these days....but I did want to remember a couple things from July, so here goes:

George Straight:
My sweet friend Christin invited me to go to the George Straight concert with her out at USANA. Now, just as a reminder I am in no way a country music fan, but let's be honest is there anything better than an outdoor concert in the summer? I think not. Plus, let's be honest is there anything better than people watching, and let me tell you, it was at an all time prime. I am still always amazing that I co-exist with these people 365 days of the year. There were too many highlights to document....like when I watched K Bull throw stuff into the crowd and watched it nail this girl in the eyeball and watched as she struggled to hold back tears, classic. This actually happened to Angela Roberts in HS, except it was a tape from U92 and it happened at Wam Bam Summer Jam...but you get the idea. Anyways, the complete highlight was getting to watch some police action right on my row. As the concert started, knowing good concert etiquette, I took my seat. This group of 4 on my row obviously didn't get the memo and refused to sit down. No matter how many death threats and f words used, they refused to sit down. Then the police showed up, and they still wouldn't sit down even when the police came to the row and said, either you sit down or we take you out of here. The went with option B to which the crowd went wild. The man of the group was actually arrested, what a tool.

Annual Lagoon Trip:
Lisa, Matt our friend Jonathan and I made our annual trip to Lagoon last month, will I ever outgrow Lagoon? I hope not. Obviously Lisa and I make Lagoon an annual event, Jonathan hadn't been in 10 years and Matt had never been....so it was quite the experience. In fact, Matt actually thought Lagoon had bark grounds....anyways, as always Lagoon never disappoints. Great rides, EXTREME people watching and bad BO. What more could you want out of a Saturday? On our 2nd ride I witnessed the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life. While on the Wicked roller coaster all the sudden Matt's hand whacked me in the face, we made awkward eye contact and he just shouted at me "PHONE!" I look down, and in mid air he had caught someones cell phone that was flying through the air. If only Ashley had been so lucky 3 years ago at Frightmares.... Anyways, moving on. Sadly, about an hour into the trip Jonathan got sick so the majority of the day it was a lot of 3 Amigo's action. Probably the highlight was going on Jetstar 2, after waiting in line for 20 minutes we realized that you had to be in groups of 2 in order to ride. Luckily, we found another group of 3 and I was able to pair up with a 14 year old Hispanic boy with braces. Since I was the larger of the two of us, I took back...which meant I got to straddle him for the duration of the ride. It wasn't awkward for any of us. Matt told him as the ride was going that if anything inappropriate happened during the ride to let him know....thanks Matt. Let's just say it was a quick silent ride.

Dreams coming true, Tori Amos:
For Katie Jo's birthday, Jason Sanders and I took Katie to the Tori Amos concert here in SLC. For those of you that don't know, I am a HUGE Tori fan. I know it's going to be hard to convince you that I am not a lesbian at this point, but I love her. Seriously though, wanna know who loves her more than the lesbians here in SLC? The gay men here in SLC. Honestly, I think it was worse than Cher, Elton John and Judy Garland combined....but I enjoyed it all the same. It was quite the crowd, lots of normals, lots of mid 30 yr old men with pedo haircuts braided belts and tucked in plaid shirts, lots of goths and lots of lesbians in floor length leather gowns. Fine by me. The concert was hysterical. At one point due to the loud music and blinking lights I thought I was going to go into epileptic shock....but luckily she moved onto the next song. However, am I the only one that was extremely disappointed that she didn't sing "Silent all These Years?